legilimency
by Madmeag and Willard
Summary: Well, we all love slash. So how about some Dudley/Dumbledore slash?
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Yadda yadda yadda all characters owned by JK Rowling yadda yadda yadda be careful cause this is man on boy slash, yadda yadda yadda.  
  
A cold rush of wind whipped his face as he slowly made his way up the long set of marble stairs. He didn't want to be here. But he had no choice. His arms reached out and pushed open the tall, wide, wooden doors unwillingly. He stood in the Great Hall suddenly forgetting that he didn't want to be here, and that he was being forced into coming here by some "crackpot old fool," as his father referred to him.  
  
As he silently walked down the massive room, he brushed his hands along the long, wooden tables. A beam of light ran across them. He looked up and saw that the wisp of light was coming from the summer night moon on the.ceiling? All of them were insane, just like his father had said before. He did not know where he was going. He wandered around the grand hallways aimlessly, as if there was no direction or purpose to where he was being led. Thoughts shot through his mind as he looked into all of the different classrooms. But they were not his own. Mind you, he didn't usually have many so he knew they couldn't be his. Hours seemed to pass before he finally reached his unknown destination. A stone gargoyle stared into his eyes. Somehow, he knew what to say, as if he knew exactly where he was.  
  
"Cockroach cluster" he said quietly. He was afraid now.  
  
The gargoyle sprung open. He walked up the spiral staircase. He knew this place like the back of his hand, yet he had never been here. He tried to pull back, but the force pulling him forward was too strong. He closed his eyes. His legs were walking by themselves, now. He peeked and slightly opened his right eye. An ancient, robed man with a long white beard was in front of him.  
  
"Welcome, Dudley," Dumbledore said.  
  
"Wh-wh-what do you want with m-me?" He asked franticly finally being able to move on his own free will. He ran as fast as his short chubby legs would allow him to the doors but they shut in his face causing him to jump back a few feet.  
  
"Please, do take a seat," Dumbledore said kindly turning Dudley towards a large comfortable looking chair that sat facing a desk.  
  
Well, it had been a long journey here. He looked at the chair longingly; he would feel very well if he just sat down for a few minutes. Albus Dumbledore seemed like a very kind man, he wished he knew someone like him... He shook the thought off. This man was insane and he would pay for it. His father would hold with no such nonsense. This man would not poison his mind like he had Harry's.  
  
"What do you want from me? Why am I here?" Dudley asked angrily.  
  
"You must be thirsty," the old man said, completely changing the subject, "have a drink."  
  
"No!" Dudley exclaimed. How could this horrible man think of having a drink now?  
  
"Oh, but you've gone to very far lengths to get here, why not just relax? I have some quite delicious soda pop..."  
  
Dudley thought about the offer. Even if he was angry he had had a long journey and he was very thirsty. The man seemed kind enough. One little drink couldn't hurt. He gulped down the Coca Cola that had appeared out of a little stick that the man carried, not before he mumbled some gibberish, of course.  
  
"Now Dudley, let me explain why you're here," the man said.  
  
"Right...tell me why I'm here..." Dudley didn't seem to pay much attention to Dumbledore as he took greedy sips from his cola.  
  
"My name is Albus Dumbledore. I am the headmaster at this school. I summoned you hear using a certain mind control called "legilimency". You may wonder why I even wanted you to come, see, when I first saw you it was...." Dumbledore went on and on. Dudley didn't seem to care because he kept on taking all the sodas Dumbledore gave him.  
  
"...and that's when I first started growing attracted towards you."  
  
"WHAT?!?!?!" Dudley screamed.  
  
"Yes. I know Dudley, but I am attracted towards you and there is nothing that can stop that." Dumbledore said staring straight into Dudley's eyes. His eyes twinkled behind his long crooked nose.  
  
Dudley looked back and could not help but return the feelings. No. This wasn't right. Not only was he a wizard, but he was also a man and he had to be at least three times his age.  
  
"GET.AWAY.FROM.ME." Dudley screamed as he jumped out of the chair spilling the Coca Cola all over the floor, trying to get out of the office that seemed to be getting smaller and smaller as each second passed. He was trapped. There was no way out, and there might never be.  
  
Suddenly a bed appeared in front of him. He wondered why Dumbledore had decided to cast this bed here. Than it hid him. He suddenly realized what was happening with a sudden swish of fear and happiness. "HAPPINESS?!?!" he thought to himself quickly. He hoped it was only because someone thought of him as attractive.  
  
"W-w-wh-wh-wh-what is that for," he said hopefully, hoping that nothing was about to happen.  
  
"Lay down Dudley." Dumbledore commanded. But Dudley didn't listen, so Dumbledore made him. His body moved towards the bed and laid down. Dumbledore began to unrobe. Dudley stared longingly into his old wrinkled penis.  
  
Harry ran up the stairs not caring that they moved themselves. He knew some valuable information and the only person who he could tell was Albus Dumbledore and this was his office. But right when he got to the door he stopped. Normally he wouldn't have cared about running right in, because Dumbledore normally didn't care. But he heard moaning and groaning. 


	2. Occlumency

Disclaimer: Two things. One, everything is JK Rowling's. Two, we're sick people, and we're bored! Don't judge us! We don't take this seriously at all. It's all in fun. Some of our reviewers beg to differ. But seriously, if you're in a fun, non-cynical mood, read our story! Dumdledore/Dudley slash at its best. And keep your eyes peeled for other characters!  
  
Harry told Ron and Hermione everything. Everything except what he had just discovered. Throughout the day the thought of Dumbledore having sex nagged at him. He couldn't take it. He was a respectful man, and it was right to fall in love, but that voice he had heard was oddly familiar.... Harry still needed to tell Albus Dumbledore about the information he had discovered about Draco Malfoy's secret orgy and how the moaning and cries disturbed him more than anything on earth. Except the thought of Dudley and Dumbledore.  
  
"Well," said Hermione, "are you going to tell Dumbledore?"  
  
"Right...Dumbledore...hadn't thought of him," Harry said quietly.  
  
"Go to him now Harry!" said Ron, "your life depends on it!"  
  
"Ok...I will...See you guys later...."  
  
Harry reluctantly walked to the corridor of Dumbledore's office. He knew it well now. He walked up to the statue and gave the appropriate password absentmindedly. The sounds of Dumbledore's moaning resounded in his head. Harry creaked open the door slightly, looking around for signs of old man intercourse.  
  
"Harry!" Dumdledore said, delighted. "Come in, I've been expecting you."  
  
"Oh..yeah...expecting me," Harry said so quietly Dumbledore could barely hear him. Then Harry realized something-despite how grotesque his experience had been the previous night, the situation now was more important. A secret orgy right behind everyone's back! Dumbledore must know!  
  
"Professor Dumbledore!" Harry said urgently. "There's a secret-"  
  
"Yadda yadda yadda," Dumbledore said. "All you ever talk about is something that endangers your life. You need to get out a little more. You know, I could provide some...pleasures that might entertain you.  
  
"What?!?! Listen Dumbledore. I heard you last night. I wanna know what the fuck is going on. Who were you with..I heard this voice that I kn......You sick bastard! You fucked Dudley! You bastard!"  
  
"Calm down, Harry. I'm aware that you know what...occured last night. And it's fine." "What?!?! It's not fi-"  
  
"It's fine." Dumbledore interrupted.  
  
Suddenly, Harry suddenly felt a surge of passion. He wanted to make love to Dumbledore. Now. He knew what was happening. Dumbledore was using legilimency. Mind control. Just like the kind Voldemort used on him. Harry had tried to learn occlumency before, but failed miserably. He tried with all his might, but the overwhelming sensation in his you know what overpowered any strength to fight Dumbledore.  
  
Harry moved towards Dumbledore, suddenly forgetting that he didn't want this. He leaned against him as Dumbledore trailed kisses down his neck. He ran his hand down Dumbledore's back unwillingly and left it resting on his ass.  
  
Harry moved over to a bed that had appeared in the corner of the room and laid down. Suddenly he didn't even know who he was. Everything was blank, suddenly he wasn't Harry Potter. Dumbledore starting to unrobe himself, and then he leaned over Harry and started to unbutton the back of his robes playfully running his fingers up and down his back.  
  
"Wait," Dumbledore said, "This isn't right."  
  
"Am I doing something wrong?" Harry said.  
  
"No. It's not that. It's just..I've been fooled. Something is wrong..." A blank expression fell over Dumbledore's face. For a second, Harry shared this expression. He too realized how wrong it was. He started running as fast as he could. Dumbledore then shook off his blank stare and returned to controlling Harry's mind. With the powers of legilimency Harry reluctantly returned to the bed.  
  
"Now," Harry said softly, "What was it that was wrong?"  
  
"Oh. Uhh..." Dumbledore seemed to be returning to himself. "We need this!"  
  
Dumbledore waved his wand and magically a Chippendale's dancer appeared out of nowhere.  
  
"Yay!" Harry squealed.  
  
The dancer ripped off his leather pants and began giving Harry and Dumbledore a lapdance. Dumbledore put a galleon in the dancer's thong, and then ripped the small piece of underwear off completely. Harry and Dumbledore began stroking the stripper's penis, gently.  
  
"Oh, we need this too," Dumbledore said.  
  
Dudley appeared out of the cage Dumbledore had been keeping him in. He was also wearing a thong, which was immediately ripped off. All four of them ensued in the great orgy of '03.  
  
"Oh, Dumbledore," Harry said between orgasms, "I forgot to tell you. Malfoy and the other Slytherins are having meetings. They plot killing me and then have massive orgies."  
  
"Duh, like I wasn't a part of it? You're such a whiny kid, of course I'm plotting to kill you. And while I'm at it, why not have some fun?"  
  
"Right....well, let's have some fun!"  
  
Suddenly, Malfoy and all the Slytherins came out of a door (might it have been a closet door? Pretty much everyone in this story has done that). They ripped of their robes and joined the orgy. Dudley moaned and said, out of breath, "Welcome!"  
  
"Thanks," said Crabbe, "You're sexy."  
  
Dudley moaned some more.  
  
"Ron and Hermione should do this, their ship is implied enough for it to happen," Harry thought to himself.  
  
He gasped.  
  
Ron and Hermione! His friends! This wasn't right at all! He needed to do something!  
  
Harry tried with all his might to ban Dumbledore from his mind. Everything in his head raced as he focused on Dumbledore. With great difficulty, he succeeded.  
  
Dumbledore stopped having anal sex with the stripper whose named he discovered to have been Todd.  
  
"Dammit! You know occlumency, you dickwad!" Dumbledore exclaimed.  
  
"Yeah, asswipe! And I want some fucking answers, biotch!"  
  
"Right," said Dumbledore.  
  
"Sit down Harry, it is time I told you. Something I should have told you five years ago...."  
  
Finito! Chapter 3 coming soon. 


End file.
